i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
