Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
