The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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