I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
