its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
