If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
