Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And then he peed in my hair
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