Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
