just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
