I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is Oprah even human
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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