At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you had me at cake vodka
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
