Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
