Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
