Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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