is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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