His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
