hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
