I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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