can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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