I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
