I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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