The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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