bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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