Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How does one acquire holy water?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
