News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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