You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Small penises have feelings too.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
