Im at strip club and am horny
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
