Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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