bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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