were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize