I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
