walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
