It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
