he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
