this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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