I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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