im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
