so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she told me i tasted like america
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
