remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
