When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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