Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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