I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
