roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
