just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They have beer where we have blood.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize