I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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