just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
