how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
