this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
