I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
