Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
