don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
