i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
