I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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