her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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