Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
