Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The adults are the big ones right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
