I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
