I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
