Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
