its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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