Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
