don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
