I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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