dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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