Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
