i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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