Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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