How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
