Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
