At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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