Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
