im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize