Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
