A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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