I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
