and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
