All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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