We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
