I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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