There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my shit smells like andre
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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