I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
