Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
