SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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