words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
