You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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