She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
