and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
