I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize