what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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