You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
