I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
