I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
