Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize