Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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