My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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