worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
