it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
