It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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