he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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