i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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