Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
