I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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