Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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